The VERB - July '08

CLEANING UP PROSE

Failing to introduce characters when they first appear in a scene is similar to failing to introduce guests when they walk into your party. No one expects you to divulge everything about the characters at the outset—please, don't do that—but at least let your readers know who's eating the dip.

If they're important enough to invite, they're important enough to name.

EXAMPLE:
He came out everyday, at the same time, and glared up at her kitchen window.

CLEANED UP:
Jane's neighbor, known only as Bill, came out every day, at the same time, and glared up at her window.

EXAMPLE:
A man scoured the room, pausing on every head with blond hair. That's the only description he had. But nobody looked like a pissed-off trigger-happy husband.

CLEANED UP:
Freddie, the owner of the bar, scoured the room, pausing on every head with blond hair. That's the only description he had. But nobody looked like a pissed-off trigger-happy husband.

EXAMPLE:
I took a bite of the juicy steak, nodded at the waiter, then settled into the booth for a quiet supper. Just me and my memories. But then people showed up, appearing out of nowhere, sitting across the table without asking if I cared. Something told me I wasn't eating supper alone tonight.

CLEANED UP:
I took a bite of the juicy steak, nodded at the waiter, then settled into the booth for a quiet supper. Just me and my memories.

But then my brother Johnny plopped down on the other bench without asking if I cared. Derrick and Sammy, the blues musicians who lived above me, eased in beside us. Even O'Malley, the street cop, appeared out of nowhere.

Something told me I wasn't eating supper alone tonight.

OUR CURRENT CONTEST

DEADLINE: July 31, 2008

A well-paced story is impossible to put down. As soon as one conflict is resolved, another one rears its ugly head. It’s the stuff that keeps us up all night, turning pages.

What's the speed of your storytelling?

Give us a tale set in the past, present or future. We don’t care where he goes or how she gets there, but your lead character must hit three cities within the span of the story. On your mark, get set, pace it!

Entry Fee: Nada Length: 2,000 words

Grand Prize
$100
Story published in The VERB
One Opinion, also published in The VERB
Signed copy of Elizabeth Guy's book
Making A Scene with Mush Pump and Ice Noodle

Complete details at the Contest Cafe.

SAMPLE OF EXCELLENCE

Hermie MacArthur had introduced herself to me at a church-women's luncheon I'd done earlier in the fall.

In her midforties, with a much-powdered face, grayish-blond hair, and a commanding Southern accent, Hermie possessed an imposingly tall body that was shaped like a McIntosh apple—a hefty chest on stick legs.

The luncheon speaker, a local woman named Patricia Ingersoll, headed a weight-loss group. Patricia had been droning on about how nobody should be consuming my gingerbread, made with unsalted butter and freshly grated ginger and—secret ingredient—freshly grated black pepper. I'd enjoyed catering Patricia's wedding reception four years ago. I also felt very sorry that she'd lost her relatively new husband to cancer in just the last year and a half. But I did wish she could have found another outlet for her energies besides telling people to stop eating.

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