I am Professor Write-A-Lot and I now possess this corner of The VERB because I know everything about writing. See, I have a stick. Only those who know everything about writing are allowed a stick.

Do come in. Please ignore the scattered manuscripts, step over the stacked books and avoid the dog's bone. One has a question, does one? Very well. Ask away, and I shall share my brilliance!

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
I am taking an advanced writing course with Long Ridge Writer's Group. I do fairly well except for contractions. I can't seem to get them right. I either don't use them or I use them in the wrong places. I write "I will not" instead of "I won't." My English teacher would be appalled at the contractions I am expected to use now. I have to edit everything I write 2 or 3 times to get the contractions right. I would like to know how to get them right the first time. When do I know to use contractions? I am talking about using them in the narrations of my stories. I seem to have the dialogue right. I write as people talk and most people use contractions in their speech. At least here in the South. It's my narration in between the dialogue that I can't seem to get a handle on.

This is called Voice. Something all storytellers wrestle with in the beginning. It is an extremely important element of storytelling for it is the first thing most readers will notice. To find one's voice, one must ask, Who's telling this story? In whose POV is one writing? If a character comes to mind, the Voice will assume his or her speech pattern, tone and, yes, contractions.

If, however, one writes from the Omniscient POV, where one is reporting from above, one must discover the voice within that may be formal (no contractions) or informal (an abundance of contractions). Entirely up to the storyteller. But it must flow comfortably from one's fingertips and remain consistent throughout. Like a great singer, a writer's voice grows stronger and clearer with practice.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
Why can't I write in Second Person?

I don't know, why can't you? Are your hands broken? Ha Ha. That was my idea of a joke. Perhaps you meant to ask: Why is Second Person seldom used? Well, I shall tell you. It's annoying. You, as the author, may write, You walked into the house and looked to your left and you shuddered. I, as a reader, might think, No, I didn't. You did. And stop telling me what to do. I didn't want to go into that house to begin with. In other words, the use of you subconsciously turns the spotlight on moi, the reader. But I, the reader, am the observer, living vicariously through the lead character. Don't talk to me. 

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
I still get confused with periods and commas at the end of dialogue. How can I keep them straight?

The confusion stems from the misconception that a complete sentence consistently resides within the quotation marks. This is correct only if one works without attributions: "Tammy is late for the show."

If, however, one includes an attribution, it merges with the sentence and extends it beyond the quotation marks: "Tammy is late for the show," said Marie. The period, symbol of a full stop, appears only at the end of a sentence. To place it anywhere else would be similar to slamming on one's brakes in the midst of a car race.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
My main character has entered a crowd, and I feel dizzy. How do I go about describing that many people?

First, one must establish the importance of the crowd. If the character intentionally faces a group of people, such as popping into a party or a courtroom, he would naturally notice specifics. In these cases, where the pace has slowed, the insertion of facial expressions, attire, mannerisms and overheard conversations would be altogether fitting.

If, however, he simply moves through the crowd, such as chasing a thief through a mall or running toward a burning house, he would not notice those around him. In these cases, where the pace is much faster, the wisest course is to show the crowd as simply a barrier between himself and his goal. Follow his focus.

Dear Professor Write-A-Lot,
Do agents reject based on format alone?

Only if they worship Satan. While green, perfumed paper with weird fonts won't win one any brownie points, curiosity will force most agents to peruse at least the first page. Therefore if one dares to submit an unprofessional manuscript, see to it one's first page sends the submittee into bestseller euphoria.

Ask Professor Write-A-Lot!